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August 30, 2007

Condo Rental Etiquette

It is Labor Day weekend and I am heading to Utah on another holiday. There will be countless other folks up there to see the leaves changing colors hoping to enjoy one more mini-vacation before the weather turns cold. I want to highlight some of the things that have happened in the two plus years that I have owned my condo that have just pissed me off. If you own or rent a condo, here is a little lesson in how not to be a gigantic a-hole to the other people that use the condo complex:

  • Don't drink beer in glass containers near the pool. I know this is retarded to even have to mention it, but glass containers near a pool are bad news. I have seen too many people do this to count and usually it is at night when management is no where to be found. And they are always renters.
  • If you are gonna get trashed, do it in your own unit, not in the hall or the pool.
  • Don't run up and down the halls. Walk. Running makes way more noise and the walls are usually paper thin.
  • Stay in the same unit as your kids. If they are so rotten that you cannot stand to stay in the same unit with them, they are gonna be even worse if left alone.
  • Don't cook fish or anything else that smells nasty. It smells up the entire floor. If you want to have a fish fry, use the barbeque outside or at least make sure you open all your windows. In the winter, it is too cold to open the windows, so just don't do it. I don't want to know what you had for dinner.
  • When you bring a group, make sure that the kids know which room their friends are staying in. At midnight, having some idiot ring my doorbell while I am in my boxers (which are usually not the good sexy kind with hearts and silk) and making me climb down the stairs to hear "Uh, I thought this was Bobby's room) is enough to make me want to beat you and then find Bobby and beat him too.
  • Don't leave your trash outside your door. Take it to the garbage. Again with the whole smell thing.
  • Don't make out in the hottub. Have some class. You got a room, use it. My kids don't want to see that--or maybe they are old enough that they do. Either way, I don't want them to see it.
  • Close the damned windows and leave the heater on low when you leave. Don't freeze up the complex and bust pipes because you are an idiot.
  • Put your pool towels in the dirty linen bag. Don't just leave them by the pool.
  • If your dog doesn't fit in a medium sized women's handbag, leave it at home. If your dog is named Kujo or Killer or Mauler, etc., as opposed to Bit Bit or Fe Fe or Gigi (as Lindsey's favorite toy poodle is) then you are good.

Now, for the worse offenses I have seen at Timberbrook:

  • A couple guys rented a unit with no credit card on deposit and then set a tire on fire in the garage, which of course filled with dark black smoke and evacuated the entire building.
  • Someone got the shietes and crapped all over the men's restroom and didn't clean it up. They wiped some of it up with a pool towel, simply smearing it.
  • Someone took that a step further and took a dump right in the middle of the floor randomly, probably on a dare.
  • Some kids were using a potato launcher to hurl water balloons at their friends 100 feet down the hall.
  • Some renters broke into a bunch of the ski lockers and stole several snowboards.

This is such no brainer stuff. I figured that people that can drop a grand and a half for a week condo rental would have at least half a clue on how to conduct themselves. I expect the kids that come up on their school ski trips to be little spoiled pricks, but not the average renter.

BTW, best group of kids ever to stay at the complex--kids from Saddleback Church in CA. They literally could be seen every evening after the mountain closed walking to a Bible study in the clubhouse. They were polite and they had plenty of supervision. Two weeks later, from Huntington Beach, some kids ski club came up and half the kids were drunk.

My worst offense of etiquette--Jeremy and me watching the Broncos-Pats playoff game two years ago.

Posted by Justin at August 30, 2007 11:02 AM