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April 23, 2007

Stop Global Warming - Mallrats Style from Sheryl Crow (h/t Say Anything Blog)

I keep promising myself that I won't make fun of celebrities and the crap that they say about Global Warming, but damn... This brain storm from Sheryl Crow:

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."

Damn, man. The cost of global warming. There is a term for that--stink palming:

You stink-palm him.

Stink-palm?

Take your hand and you stick it in your ass like this. You've been walking all day and you're also nervous and no doubt you're sweaty as hell.

You should see yourself right now. A man with his hand in his pants.

I probably look like my old man. Now you shake hands with the guy.

"Hey, Mr. Svenning. How've you been?"

What's the point?

Know how long it takes for that smell to come off? Scrub all you like, it'll stick around for at least two days. How does he explain it to his colleagues and family? They'll think he doesn't know how to wipe his ass properly.

Meanwhile, you yourself are left with a hand that smells like sh*t?

Small price to pay for the smiting of one's enemies.

Small price to pay for saving the Earth.

Posted by Justin at April 23, 2007 04:59 PM