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March 09, 2007

Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Adult Swim

So I am being my usual self and enjoying the free hours after the kids go to bed that I can actually watch some TV that is not age appropriate for a 6 year old. And low and behold, I find that most of the time at night I spend watching cartoons anyway. I am a sucker for one eyed alien chicks that used to be married to Al Bundy.

Adult Swim on Cartoon Network has changed my life. First, I have decided to open a "Home Based Business". Did you know that it is a $100B a year industry and that over 20,000 US Homebased Businesses gross over $1M a year? That over half of the businesses in the US are "home based"?

Once I open my home based business, I am going to use all that money to buy natural herbal enhancements to make me a more desirable man. Because I am getting older and out of touch with what today's Freshmen college students talk and act like, I have ordered the entire Girls Gone Wild Series DVD's, focusing especially on the "Girls Gone Wild Extreme Sports" editions since I love to ski and these are exactly the type of girls that I should be looking for.

So then how do I meet these hotties to impress with my wealth from my home based business? Forget telephone date lines, I can text FLIRT to 43567 and I can flirt via text with real live local hotties via my cellphone. That is a date getter right there.

Finally, because I want to be able to have a meaningful conversation with these girls, I can complete my High School diploma from home. Did you know that High School grads earn an average of $200k more in a lifetime than non-grads? Well, who cares in my case because my home based business is going to make me rich.

Please note the disclaimer at the bottom in small print that flashes quickly across my blog:

The Justin depicted in this ad as a masculine, sexy, wealthy, intelligent skier is a paid actor. Experiences are not representative of the size of his "endowments", nor of his actual skiing ability. Financial results are not typical and your results will vary. Snowboarding increases chances that the actual "ski bum" that "works" from home may include occasional bong stains on the carpet and THC induced erectile disfunction that medication cannot correct.

Late night commercials seem to be targeted squarely at my brother Jeremy. He would be so much better off if he took the Masters Course from his High School Diploma Mill and learned TV and VCR Repair. Good times.

Posted by Justin at March 9, 2007 11:52 PM