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November 03, 2006

Dude, You are So Busted

From the When You are Caught, You are Caught section of the news:

Colorado Springs, CO - Evangelist Ted Haggard admitted Friday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent. Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and stepped down as leader of his Colorado megachurch while the two groups investigate the allegations.

He denied the sex allegations but told reporters outside his home that he did buy the meth because he was curious, but he said he threw it away. "I bought it for myself but never used it," he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it."

Haggard, 50, said he never had sex with Mike Jones, a 49-year-old male prostitute who sparked the scandals when he told a radio station he had had a three-year sexual relationship with the minister. Haggard said he did get a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel.

I am totally saying I would go back to that hotel front desk and be pretty upset if they sent a gay prostitute up to my hotel room to give me a massage. I mean send me to a day spa or something. Maybe a mudbath, but normally, the only time a hotel recommends a gay prostitute instead of a massage therapist is when you ask for one. So you get busted doing meth and for having sex with a gay prostitute. So what. I mean who hasn't. One time, me and Robert Downey, Jr., were hitting the smack pretty hard and Eddie Murphy and Danny Bonaduce come by and we go and grab a couple of trannies...

Everyone has their vices. Dude, these are just bad vices to have. And home boy is gonna end up out of a job just like the governor of New Jersey did plus have to explain things to the family, wife, kids, etc. I am saying, say something like, "I made a terrible mistake and ask for your forgiveness" or something. Don't claim that you hired him for a massage and that you bought meth but threw it away. My kids lie better when I catch them sneaking extra Halloween Candy.

Posted by Justin at November 3, 2006 03:38 PM